January 22, 2015: “Let Me OUT!”

I walked into my happy place today, by happy place I mean Barnes and Noble.  I proceeded to purchase one book and one magazine.  The magazine was Cycling Fitness, featuring winter workouts, winter gear etc.  There was one problem it was geared toward getting outside for the workouts.  In the winter here that is not a reasonable nor a safe option.  I looked at the pictures, the workouts and realized I have pretty bad cabin fever.  I have not been out on my bike since last year.

My bike work has been in the box I call my gym.  There is nothing more boring and demotivating than plugging away on a machine going nowhere.  I usually find a reason to cut my session short and move onto something else.  I know building the base for a couple months down the road is important especially if I wish to compete.  I just hate how stuck it makes me feel. 

I would make a good looking pro or atleast pic in a magazine

Todays photo was meant to reinvigorate me or atleast make me see what I am able to become.  I have slowly started to make changes in my diet.  Getting a healthy gym routine which I had before sickness and injury is paramount.  My neck feels about 75% and I think I should be able to start putting up lighter weights. My setbacks seem to last a week or so longer than they should. 

I had a vision to create a dark setup with a strobe to get the idea of motion.  In pedaling on the bike I was moving far too much and as opposed to motion it looked like I had multiple heads.  I could have really added the motion with a backlit strobe but wanted it to remain darker so I used a single flash with an orange filter and a 5 second exposure.  The flash was on the ground aimed upward to create the shadows and look letting myself blend into the black background.  I hope you enjoy and draw a little sliver out of this image.  Be yourself, be great, be dreamy

January 17, 2015: “Easy on the Eye”

Welcome to today, I hope it is your best day ever.  I always look at eyes, in fact I may comment immediately if I think you have great eyes.  My eyes have been commented on many times as being a great feature of mine. Depending on the day and time they fluctuate between blue and green when the true color is hazel.  

Exploring is part of the human experience whether it be looking closely at myself, others and every aspect of the universe.  I chose to look at my eye today because it conveys vulnerability, anger, love, loneliness, happiness, sadness, strength, weakness and every other emotion that a human can feel.  I’m not sure what I see or how I feel. I will let you be the judge and create myself in what you view.  

January 16, 2015: “Frozen Starlight”

It was a clear day out today, I wanted to capture a landscape today.  I have an idealized spot where I want to capture an epic landscape.  I drove by it again today, like I did the other day. Sadly I looked, pondered and I was not inspired.  I continued to drive home, lost in my thoughts I looked up at the clear sky, it triggered me to think about stars and how I enjoy sitting outside during the summer and watch the world go by.

 

Tonight was the night I captured the stars.  Where do I do it?  What else do I want in my photo?  I decided to head to the place I know that is completely open for 30 miles, where I can look across a vast body of water and see another country.  Right on Lake Ontario in Olcott, NY.  I arrived just after sunset, a glow was ablaze on the horizon.  Lights from the Toronto coastline were visible, I stepped out of my car and was shocked by the wind whipping off of the lake.  It felt like -10 degrees with the wind whipping, I grabbed my facemask cover my face.

The journey began, I stayed out for some 20 minutes somehow.  My big toe froze going numb while my hands somehow survived.  The wind and cold cause me to struggle setting everything up.  I was unable to gain focus, really see what I was shooting and get the epic photo.  I placed my camera saw a few stars and went for between a 20 to 30 second shutter just hoping the wind would let my camera be still enough to capture a crisp shot.  Luckily as my camera strap fluttered in the wind and I ran in place the camera stayed unmoved. 

I finished and got home upon loading the photos in my pc for processing I saw something incredible.  The big dipper perfectly placed into my photo, along with a shooting star on the right side of the photo.  In the summer it is extremely easy to layout under the stars and find constellations, no wind, no extreme cold just great weather.  I fought the weather today and came out on top with this image.  I hope you enjoy, reach for the stars.

January 14, 2015: “Counting Sheep”

The first two days of this week I have had long days.  Up at 5:30 am and in bed around 12:45 am.  I get very worried sleeping less than 7 hours a night.  Surviving one night is ok but multiple days in a row can trigger extremely horrible headaches.  I have been hyper sensitive to make sure every part of my life is going to offset the lack of sleep.  Balance is crucial to my heath, I was able to have better nutrition, more snacks and staying hydrated.  My focus was off for sure, memory was a bit fuzzy that is what lack of sleep does for me.  Overall my productivity drops and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Today to regain my life I came home counted some sheep and took a refreshing nap.  I had to force myself to wake up so not to have a sleepless night.  This photo or something similar has been in my mind for a while.  A few years ago I caught I migraine as it was coming on.  This is a similar type photo but much more calm.  I took this photo immediately after waking up, so it is as real as I can get, in state between full consciousness. 

Health is the key to my life and to me that means balance with healthy eating, exercise, sleep, hydration and most importantly work life balance.  Everyday in this fast paced world slowing down is the only the way not miss out on creating that life you want.  It starts with health and to me sleep is the most crucial so I take alot of naps to balance out the stressors.  Namaste

January 11, 2015: “Holding Onto my Soul”

Lacking inspiration, I put my face to my camera and through the eyepiece I felt calm.  No idea for the photo and then I looked at a few of my books.  The books that guide my journey through this world.  When I need calm on a stormy day, I can turn to the Buddhist principles.  I look for kindness and love in this world.  I create my own for those around me. 

My only problem is I do this in waves, I always have one book in my bag but do not always practice.  The ultimate way I find peace is through meditation.  Sitting in peace creating an inner focus I am able to let things go, move forward and put aside fear.   I lack the solid practice to keep the contentment and hope for the future I find within the books.

With guides like thich nhat hanh, the dalai lama, and jack kerouac I know I can straighten my ship and gather my focus.  This peaceful photo came from lack of focus.  My current state in this project is a daily focus.

January 10, 2015: “Not Quite Food Porn”

Breakfast is the most important part of the day, a healthy breakfast starts the day off right and gives you energy.  Today I made an organic steel cut oatmeal with organic blueberries and raspberries.  As always I had a strong Irish Breakfast Tea for a little punch. 

ignore the bad photoshopping in the left corner

That was a good breakfast along with a banana.  This photo came about because I was going to be gone all day and into the evening.  I had no particular thought for a photo and felt that I would be cutting myself short and unable to capture something worthwhile.  Tada todays photo is not quite food porn.  I called it this because I lack plating quality and don’t understand the style to create those catalog type food images. 

My teacup says evolve and grow.  As I work more with smaller things and lighting only good things can come.  I can evolve and grow.  My photography will evolve and grow.  My health will evolve and grow.  It is the only thing in life we can continually do to create a better tomorrow evolve and grow.   

January 9, 2015: “Windblown”

Watching the wind fiercely blow the snow

12 degrees, 20 mile per hour wind gusts, snow shooting everywhere. I begin to chase beauty, using the wind to my advantage, watching nature exert amazing strength on a wintry day.  Watching I slowly succumb to nature while trying to get an amazing shot.  Holed up trying to make it till sunset.  The wind keeps blowing, stopping with no rhyme or reason.  I am wearing 2 layers of pants, 3 layers of shirts, a facemask, wool socks, boots and gloves with fingertip holes.  I have to have complete control of my camera, the ability to change functions and capture the perfect shot.   After about 5 minutes the feeling is gone in my fingers. I look down the blowing snow is on my fingertips and sharp pain pierces though. 

An occasional break in the wind as the sun goes down

I had gotten a few shots but was unable to make it till sunset another 15 minutes.  I covered my fingers walked to my car.  The pain pierced like needles, I sat there the heat on waiting for the pain to go away.   At some point it did, I felt amazingly alive just the one fool to be outside trying to get something done create something for myself. 

Beautiful snow being blown

Capturing a snowfilled image means more to me than just the picture.  It is about this project and creating something new everyday, moving forward and following through.  I was windblown, cold an to some extent frozen yet it was the happiest I was all day.  Being outside is where I need to be whether cold or warm I need to be me.

January 7, 2015: “Those I’ve loved along the way: Loveworn”

"Loveworn"

I never knew my Great grandmother Stadolka.  I was given a great gift years ago after my Grandmother Dean passed away.  It was my great grandmothers engagement ring that along with my Grandfather Deans wedding ring are my most valuable possessions.  They represent love, pure and everlasting love.  I know not how long my great grandmother was married. The ring indicates is was for a lifetime, the band is worn all of the way through while the diamond still shines bright.  How is it possible for a possession to show so much to carry a love story with it? 

Amazing is all I can think of as my heart sits here filled with love, hope and dreams while envisioning a black and white movie playing out this love story.  Family is a beautiful thing, holding this ring close represents the past.  This ring represents the future.  One day I will give this ring in its loveworn condition to a woman I will ask to be my wife.  

January 5, 2015: “Where is my Vision? (Moving Forward)

I wanted to share a piece of myself.  I thoroughly enjoy yoga, its therapeutic and spiritual elements.  Yoga and meditation allows me to focus myself, this Monday series for January is called where is my vision?  Today for a few moments I was able to focus my vision on moving forward. That is all I can hope for myself and you.  Take each day on its own, live in the present and create contentment.  Live life with a loving kindness, compassion for others while taking care of yourself.  Today’s tree pose is great at creating focus. 

I hope you enjoy!!! 

Namaste

Photoblog January 4, 2015: ”Holding Onto”

January 4, 2015:  ”Holding Onto”

There is something peaceful about burning candles as well as destructive.  I guess I’m holding onto a split personality where I want to be good and evil.  The candles represent that to me.  One moment the candle can be soothing, warming and full of life; the next moment if you are not careful it can lead to a full on fire destroying everything you hold dear an even death.  This photo is simple uninspired, yet beautiful and unique.  Forcing myself to do something when I am in a funk has meaning and allows me to overcome.  Bring me back to being me and motivated.

Photoblog January 3, 2015: “Where I Want to Be” HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!

January 3, 2015: “Where I Want to Be”

HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still disappointed I never my received acceptance letter.  Today was supposed to be more of a forward reflection however my head wasn’t having it.  I became excited to work on small photography and make an engaging photograph.  Setting up the shot, lighting, posing and focusing was a test for me.  Making inanimate items interesting is a skill I enjoyed playing with look forward to working more with it.  As much as I want to be spending quality time with Harry, Hermione and Ron building a strong friendship drinking butterbeer and managing mischief, where I want to be is working everyday with my camera growing into a fullfledged professional.  This photo encompasses my love for fantasy, hope to prevail in life and opportunity for growth.  Where do you want to be?

Photoblog: January 2, 2015: “Eyes of darkness”

January 2, 2015: “Eyes of darkness”

Looking out the window it is dark, I see a vast sea of nothingness.  My eyes hide behind the camera crafting tomorrow, living today and running from the past. What do my eyes see? What do my eyes see? Disoriented my eyes of darkness see life, succumbing to the daily grind. Eyes of darkness they are mine.

This photo is of the darkness ahead, what I see. 

Photoblog of the Day 2015: "Where I am now"

Today is a new day, just as tomorrow will be and the next and so forth.  I am starting a project just to take a photo daily, January is going to be the month of reflection and truly exploring who I am.  I’ve lost something got bogged down and stuck, everything feels stale, old and pointless.  In this project as well as in life growth matters.  As I continue my journey I feel that growth has halted.  I hope this kicks new life into me.

January 1, 2015: “Where I am today”

Today I am somewhere intertwined between a handful of solitary passions and a life filled with disappointment.  I framed this photo between my books and my bike they are my passions, my security blankets.  I can be free on my bike and you will never see me without a book in my bag or hand.  I am dependent on these things for happiness.  They bring it temporarily but I am left struggling and out of control when not focused on them. 

I sabotage myself and remain stuck.  I need to overcome today for a better tomorrow.  Looking inside I can only heal myself and push forward.  Only I can and that’s the part that creates fear. 

This photo shows where I am today.

Reflections: Memories that last a lifetime

This year the main gift for others is photos.  For as long as I can remember family in most cases has said to me we never see these photos you take.  That is mainly because they aren’t linked into my online photo galleries.  This year was the year of photos, frames, and albums oh my.  I had to make sure I didn’t hoard these memories and moments for myself.

Everytime I click my shutter on my camera its not to capture you at your worst but to capture that moment forever.  It’s really interesting how so many people protest having their photo taken but will then take a horrible selfie in atrocious light.  My goal is to capture love whether it be in a laugh, a smile, a tear or a pose.  Love is our most powerful of emotion and can be released in so many ways.  I want to share my love with all of my family and friends and have memories we can all look back on no matter how near or how far we are from one another.

One of my favorite sayings was “I don’t take a good picture, that is why I am behind the camera”.  Recently I stopped saying that for one reason.  No matter how I may look or what is happening I have come to the realization that I want to be able to look back on my life and see all of the moments with those I love.  As a result I now happily look at cameras.  I am more relaxed and even have figured out how to smile for pictures.  I no longer have an excuse to hide from the camera, I have no excuse not to make that memory and neither should you.

It’s is crazy how a photo can evoke so much emotion.  Today I witnessed it and am so glad I bring my camera and take photos even amongst the protest.  I don’t always get what I want, but there will always be memories with loved ones to treasure.  I put together an album with photos that included my late Uncle Tim for the family.  It was something I had to do but was hard for me to do to look back on those times.  It was even tougher to watch those around me melt into a mess.  It’s something special to cherish and hold tight.  I can’t imagine missing those moments and not having those beautiful memories. 

I’m not the paparazzi, I will never take photos out of malice.  I often feel like I’m prying into a private sphere, in fact a lot of times people need to force me start because I don’t want to seem like a nuisance.  It is all done out of love.  Love, love, love all you need is love (and photos and bicycles and crossfit and music).

Reflections: Self Worth

In my life I have often found myself questioning my worth and asking the question does anyone care about me? The answer is yes my family cares and that’s what I always thought.  I think about death whats beyond and have pictured my funeral without a single person there.  I never felt like I had any friends who cared, who wanted to get to know me or even notice if I disappeared. 

One of my favorite books is “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom.  I’ve often felt like the main character that my life was worthless.  I have not had to take his journey to find the value in my life.  It has been hard but I’ve started to build a life to be proud of.  If your reading this and know me at all, you only see the strong, confident side of me.  If you were to ask me what I think about myself I’ll give you an analysis that is harsh and focuses on my faults rather than any strength.  I even have trouble taking a compliment and will demean myself at those moments.

I’ve come to the realization that my life is not worthless.  Life’s actions no matter how small create a domino effect upon our friends and strangers.  That’s something I have been reminded of in the past day.  As a photographer I capture memories that people will have forever.  In some aspect whether I am remembered or not I will be in strangers lives forever. 

I never thought that my life would matter but two people made my heart warm and soul feel alive.  My goal is to help people to grow and develop into amazing people.  I have a friend whom I expect the world of and want to see her grow into a successful woman.  Last night she wrote me expressing her gratitude for the help and support I have given her in her life.  I guess I’m a teacher and a guide in some way.  It’s not something I strived for but just happened.

In photography I’m building confidence and trust in my craft.  The support I get from my clients and my friends is simply amazing.  I’ve found a craft that others respect and trust me with.  Finding my worth and value through others has been a long trip.  I now realize that I need to live the best life I can; be healthy, be strong, be a friend, be a teacher, be kind and set an example for others because I don’t know who is watching and how my actions will make an impact in this world.

We should all take a moment to live with the whole world in mind.  Act more lovingly, more selflessly, more kind without judgement.  That can create the change we want to see.  Give more hugs, smile more and celebrate your value and uniqueness in this great big world.  Remember to love everybody.

The Thankful Blog

The Thankful Blog:

I am thankful for family, friends, and passions.

Family:

I wouldn't be who I am today without my family.  Always supportive and loving even in my moments of doubt and not loving myself.  I am so thankful they believe in me, love me, push me out of my comfort zone and will always be there whenever I call upon them. 

So Thankful I have a Mom

Dad and Missy

Friends:

I am thankful this year I started to understand what it meant to be a friend and have developed friendships.  I always thought of myself as loner and only depended on myself.  I never let anyone in at all.  I am thankful for Veronikah for always being there for me even though it feels like we are strangers sometimes. I have a friend Chelsea to thank for allowing me to open up and share.  Now I am able to share more and am able to put trust in others. 

Me and Veronikah

Me and Chelsea

My new family Love my hodders

Over the past 2 months I have forged a fast friendship with many at HOD as I get healthy and build myself up.  I have been able to get comfortable with is a big accomplishment for me.  I am thankful for the growth they have helped with.  Thanks Julia, Joe, Zach, Sam and Stephanie my 10am hodders who I am thankful for and look forward to seeing everyday.

Passions:

I am thankful I follow my passions, and share them to an annoying point.  I know music, photography and cycling are boring to a lot but its what I love.  I am thankful they have bettered my life made me happier and have contributed to personal growth.

Rocking the cameras with Katie

Me and Savannah

I am thankful for all of those who have believed in me and hired me to share there moments and make memories of them that will last forever.  I am thankful you have allowed me to grow my photography and for Katie Bearce for making me smile and understand to have fun in life and not take it too seriously, I hope that I am a good teacher and sharing photography is awesome.

I am thankful for musicians and friends like Savannah King, Jaida Dreyer and Sunny Sweeney who believe in my talent and are always kind to me continue chasing their dreams and sharing their passions with me.

Me and Jaida

Me and Sunny

I am thankful that there are so many wonderful people in this world and in my life. I love you all

Project: Those I've Loved Along the Way; Eric Church

Those I’ve Loved Along the Way

I have days where it feels like no one loves me.  I have days where I feel all alone.  I have days where I wonder if this journey called life is worth it.

Then I have moments of clarity which wash away all of that negative thought.  A memory from yesterday, a memory from 10 years ago, a friend, an acquaintance or even a stranger is able to create the love I wish to feel.  All of those memories, all of those people are those I’ve loved along the way. 

Each week 1 or 2 times per week I will highlight and share with you those who have crossed my path, made me smile and impacted me in ways  which I will never forget.  My goal is to do a photo shoot with the person that I plan to share with you or share a past photo if geography prevents us from a live shoot.

The first person I am going to highlight if you haven’t  guessed it yet is Eric Church (EC).  His song “Those I’ve Loved Along the Way” has inspired me to reflect and share with you the great people who have come and gone in my life.  He is one person I’ve loved along the way and the first person in this project.

Eric Church's first time on the big stage at CMAFest.  I was lucky enough to watch him grow from the beginning to where he is today.

I first discovered EC back in 2006 and started seeing him live whenever I could.  I’ve met him a few times, shot a few of his shows and met some amazing people because of him.  Can I say EC is an awesome guy, can I talk about his character or anything outside of music.  The answer simply is no, I don’t know him personally and never expect to.

It’s always been about his music and the community called the Church Choir.  EC has allowed me to meet wonderful people who I feel comfortable enough to call my friends.  In California, Florida, Canada, Michigan, South Carolina, Illinois, Tennessee and many more states are friends I’ve made because of his music.  I always have a couch to sleep on or a friend to meet at a show. Music is amazing and the lyrics he strings together allow me to connect with the songs and keep coming back for more, wanting to see him live and become a bandaid.  He has always made his music his way, and views music as an art rather than a marketing tool.  That’s why I love EC and where my inspiration comes for this new project, I want to let all of my friends know how special they are and no matter how far they are loved.

In 2007 showing off one of my photos of Miranda Lambert, Dierks Bentley and himself.  Amazing what music can do for a soul.