January 7, 2015: “Those I’ve loved along the way: Loveworn”

"Loveworn"

I never knew my Great grandmother Stadolka.  I was given a great gift years ago after my Grandmother Dean passed away.  It was my great grandmothers engagement ring that along with my Grandfather Deans wedding ring are my most valuable possessions.  They represent love, pure and everlasting love.  I know not how long my great grandmother was married. The ring indicates is was for a lifetime, the band is worn all of the way through while the diamond still shines bright.  How is it possible for a possession to show so much to carry a love story with it? 

Amazing is all I can think of as my heart sits here filled with love, hope and dreams while envisioning a black and white movie playing out this love story.  Family is a beautiful thing, holding this ring close represents the past.  This ring represents the future.  One day I will give this ring in its loveworn condition to a woman I will ask to be my wife.  

Reflections: Memories that last a lifetime

This year the main gift for others is photos.  For as long as I can remember family in most cases has said to me we never see these photos you take.  That is mainly because they aren’t linked into my online photo galleries.  This year was the year of photos, frames, and albums oh my.  I had to make sure I didn’t hoard these memories and moments for myself.

Everytime I click my shutter on my camera its not to capture you at your worst but to capture that moment forever.  It’s really interesting how so many people protest having their photo taken but will then take a horrible selfie in atrocious light.  My goal is to capture love whether it be in a laugh, a smile, a tear or a pose.  Love is our most powerful of emotion and can be released in so many ways.  I want to share my love with all of my family and friends and have memories we can all look back on no matter how near or how far we are from one another.

One of my favorite sayings was “I don’t take a good picture, that is why I am behind the camera”.  Recently I stopped saying that for one reason.  No matter how I may look or what is happening I have come to the realization that I want to be able to look back on my life and see all of the moments with those I love.  As a result I now happily look at cameras.  I am more relaxed and even have figured out how to smile for pictures.  I no longer have an excuse to hide from the camera, I have no excuse not to make that memory and neither should you.

It’s is crazy how a photo can evoke so much emotion.  Today I witnessed it and am so glad I bring my camera and take photos even amongst the protest.  I don’t always get what I want, but there will always be memories with loved ones to treasure.  I put together an album with photos that included my late Uncle Tim for the family.  It was something I had to do but was hard for me to do to look back on those times.  It was even tougher to watch those around me melt into a mess.  It’s something special to cherish and hold tight.  I can’t imagine missing those moments and not having those beautiful memories. 

I’m not the paparazzi, I will never take photos out of malice.  I often feel like I’m prying into a private sphere, in fact a lot of times people need to force me start because I don’t want to seem like a nuisance.  It is all done out of love.  Love, love, love all you need is love (and photos and bicycles and crossfit and music).

Reflections: Self Worth

In my life I have often found myself questioning my worth and asking the question does anyone care about me? The answer is yes my family cares and that’s what I always thought.  I think about death whats beyond and have pictured my funeral without a single person there.  I never felt like I had any friends who cared, who wanted to get to know me or even notice if I disappeared. 

One of my favorite books is “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom.  I’ve often felt like the main character that my life was worthless.  I have not had to take his journey to find the value in my life.  It has been hard but I’ve started to build a life to be proud of.  If your reading this and know me at all, you only see the strong, confident side of me.  If you were to ask me what I think about myself I’ll give you an analysis that is harsh and focuses on my faults rather than any strength.  I even have trouble taking a compliment and will demean myself at those moments.

I’ve come to the realization that my life is not worthless.  Life’s actions no matter how small create a domino effect upon our friends and strangers.  That’s something I have been reminded of in the past day.  As a photographer I capture memories that people will have forever.  In some aspect whether I am remembered or not I will be in strangers lives forever. 

I never thought that my life would matter but two people made my heart warm and soul feel alive.  My goal is to help people to grow and develop into amazing people.  I have a friend whom I expect the world of and want to see her grow into a successful woman.  Last night she wrote me expressing her gratitude for the help and support I have given her in her life.  I guess I’m a teacher and a guide in some way.  It’s not something I strived for but just happened.

In photography I’m building confidence and trust in my craft.  The support I get from my clients and my friends is simply amazing.  I’ve found a craft that others respect and trust me with.  Finding my worth and value through others has been a long trip.  I now realize that I need to live the best life I can; be healthy, be strong, be a friend, be a teacher, be kind and set an example for others because I don’t know who is watching and how my actions will make an impact in this world.

We should all take a moment to live with the whole world in mind.  Act more lovingly, more selflessly, more kind without judgement.  That can create the change we want to see.  Give more hugs, smile more and celebrate your value and uniqueness in this great big world.  Remember to love everybody.

The Thankful Blog

The Thankful Blog:

I am thankful for family, friends, and passions.

Family:

I wouldn't be who I am today without my family.  Always supportive and loving even in my moments of doubt and not loving myself.  I am so thankful they believe in me, love me, push me out of my comfort zone and will always be there whenever I call upon them. 

So Thankful I have a Mom

Dad and Missy

Friends:

I am thankful this year I started to understand what it meant to be a friend and have developed friendships.  I always thought of myself as loner and only depended on myself.  I never let anyone in at all.  I am thankful for Veronikah for always being there for me even though it feels like we are strangers sometimes. I have a friend Chelsea to thank for allowing me to open up and share.  Now I am able to share more and am able to put trust in others. 

Me and Veronikah

Me and Chelsea

My new family Love my hodders

Over the past 2 months I have forged a fast friendship with many at HOD as I get healthy and build myself up.  I have been able to get comfortable with is a big accomplishment for me.  I am thankful for the growth they have helped with.  Thanks Julia, Joe, Zach, Sam and Stephanie my 10am hodders who I am thankful for and look forward to seeing everyday.

Passions:

I am thankful I follow my passions, and share them to an annoying point.  I know music, photography and cycling are boring to a lot but its what I love.  I am thankful they have bettered my life made me happier and have contributed to personal growth.

Rocking the cameras with Katie

Me and Savannah

I am thankful for all of those who have believed in me and hired me to share there moments and make memories of them that will last forever.  I am thankful you have allowed me to grow my photography and for Katie Bearce for making me smile and understand to have fun in life and not take it too seriously, I hope that I am a good teacher and sharing photography is awesome.

I am thankful for musicians and friends like Savannah King, Jaida Dreyer and Sunny Sweeney who believe in my talent and are always kind to me continue chasing their dreams and sharing their passions with me.

Me and Jaida

Me and Sunny

I am thankful that there are so many wonderful people in this world and in my life. I love you all

Project: Those I've Loved Along the Way; Eric Church

Those I’ve Loved Along the Way

I have days where it feels like no one loves me.  I have days where I feel all alone.  I have days where I wonder if this journey called life is worth it.

Then I have moments of clarity which wash away all of that negative thought.  A memory from yesterday, a memory from 10 years ago, a friend, an acquaintance or even a stranger is able to create the love I wish to feel.  All of those memories, all of those people are those I’ve loved along the way. 

Each week 1 or 2 times per week I will highlight and share with you those who have crossed my path, made me smile and impacted me in ways  which I will never forget.  My goal is to do a photo shoot with the person that I plan to share with you or share a past photo if geography prevents us from a live shoot.

The first person I am going to highlight if you haven’t  guessed it yet is Eric Church (EC).  His song “Those I’ve Loved Along the Way” has inspired me to reflect and share with you the great people who have come and gone in my life.  He is one person I’ve loved along the way and the first person in this project.

Eric Church's first time on the big stage at CMAFest.  I was lucky enough to watch him grow from the beginning to where he is today.

I first discovered EC back in 2006 and started seeing him live whenever I could.  I’ve met him a few times, shot a few of his shows and met some amazing people because of him.  Can I say EC is an awesome guy, can I talk about his character or anything outside of music.  The answer simply is no, I don’t know him personally and never expect to.

It’s always been about his music and the community called the Church Choir.  EC has allowed me to meet wonderful people who I feel comfortable enough to call my friends.  In California, Florida, Canada, Michigan, South Carolina, Illinois, Tennessee and many more states are friends I’ve made because of his music.  I always have a couch to sleep on or a friend to meet at a show. Music is amazing and the lyrics he strings together allow me to connect with the songs and keep coming back for more, wanting to see him live and become a bandaid.  He has always made his music his way, and views music as an art rather than a marketing tool.  That’s why I love EC and where my inspiration comes for this new project, I want to let all of my friends know how special they are and no matter how far they are loved.

In 2007 showing off one of my photos of Miranda Lambert, Dierks Bentley and himself.  Amazing what music can do for a soul.