January 14, 2015: “Counting Sheep”

The first two days of this week I have had long days.  Up at 5:30 am and in bed around 12:45 am.  I get very worried sleeping less than 7 hours a night.  Surviving one night is ok but multiple days in a row can trigger extremely horrible headaches.  I have been hyper sensitive to make sure every part of my life is going to offset the lack of sleep.  Balance is crucial to my heath, I was able to have better nutrition, more snacks and staying hydrated.  My focus was off for sure, memory was a bit fuzzy that is what lack of sleep does for me.  Overall my productivity drops and there was nothing I could do about it. 

Today to regain my life I came home counted some sheep and took a refreshing nap.  I had to force myself to wake up so not to have a sleepless night.  This photo or something similar has been in my mind for a while.  A few years ago I caught I migraine as it was coming on.  This is a similar type photo but much more calm.  I took this photo immediately after waking up, so it is as real as I can get, in state between full consciousness. 

Health is the key to my life and to me that means balance with healthy eating, exercise, sleep, hydration and most importantly work life balance.  Everyday in this fast paced world slowing down is the only the way not miss out on creating that life you want.  It starts with health and to me sleep is the most crucial so I take alot of naps to balance out the stressors.  Namaste

January 8, 2015: “Fear of Exposing Myself”

I hide my life, hide myself, censor what you know about me.  Today you can look at me raw at point where I am not happy.  Not happy physically, professionally, romantically and monetarily.  I am content with life, with what I have created.  There is always room for growth and putting myself first.  Creating the change I wish to see in myself, to see in the world is possible.  I just need to face reality by starting t follow through and become the man I wish to be.

Now I look at myself exposed both physically and mentally.  I am nowhere near as healthy as I should be, I make reasons to have a soda, potato chips and little Debbie snacks amongst other things.  Since August of 2013 my weight has ballooned from 175 to 205lbs.  This happened initially from 2004 to 2006 I went from 175 to 220lbs.  I dedicated myself and was able to change my lifestyle fully and along with cycling and fitness drop to 165 during my best riding days.  

Today it feels so much harder, I’m a young 32 at the gym 3 times or more a week cycling 2500 miles a year, practicing yoga and being generally active.  In continuing that I have been gaining weight, feeling sluggish and have been stuck in a rut professionally.  Where do I go? How do I get there?  As ridiculous as it sounds at 32 I don’t feel young anymore.  I have hit a wall…at some point I will break on through, I have to break on through. This is me exposed to the world.  I know alot of you will not understand but I did this to truly look at myself.

I hope at some point to recreate this image not to show I have lost weight, but to show I have become physically and mentally happy.  I hope this gives you a bit of insight into who I am.