March 6, 2015: “Loser”
I chose to do Timmy’s otherwise known to the world as Tim
Hortons today. Roll up the rim to win is back and I wanted to write blog called
winning about winning a free tea. It
failed I lost but this image is still winning.
It became a project to product photograph and I think it came out
well. I shot lighting from both sides
with a bit of ambient in the front.
March 7, 2015: “Lovebirds”
Today was a great day for shooting. I was feeling depressed and whenever I am
tend to try to be alone with nature in some way to recenter myself. I went to one of my favorite trees a weeping
willow along the Erie Canal. I shot
there looking for inspiration, to create an epic landscape. The sky was overcast, the clouds all blended
together. It was dark and nearing dusk. After shooting for about 30 minutes I was
packing up and getting ready to leave.
All of a sudden a hoard of pigeons appeared from hiding. I watched in amazement as hundreds of birds
whipped around in a circles and figure eights through the sky.
The sound they made was magnified, they even made a wind
gust as they propelled towards me. It
was something I watched for approximately 30 minutes before they got
tired. I was going to have one of their
sky photos be my photos but where they settled in for the night I had to
explore. Under the bridge the all went
most out of a view but a few in view. I
watched some play, some flirt some and some fall asleep. I saw couple in love, isn’t that what we all
search for to be lovebirds?
March 8, 2015: “Garth”
The event of the week was Garth Brooks, 6 shows in 4
days. I saw the last show in Buffalo, my
first Garth show ever. He was everything
that was being said about him and more.
I am happy that those non-country fans truly appreciated his show. It
was just Garth being Garth and he didn’t need a single bell or whistle. Every performer should strive to be as
engaging.
March 9, 2015: “Mess”
Clutter on my desk, clutter on my floor, clutter in my head.
I clean but have no room, it never stays clean.
The mess hurts my head so I sit behind a screen, behind some form of
contemporary technology. I hide behind my camera, I pull out my phone, the tv
creates noise while the pc is on.
My list gets longer the clutter holds tighter. I’m a mess stuck in a fear of moving
forward. The key if you ask me is one
step at a time. At work it is my motto,
one step at a time. I watch that bear
fruit when I focus. At home, I have a
hundred things I prioritize as a single one.
All of them have a grasp on me, I am unable to decide where to start and
nothing starts it just adds to the pile.
As the mess grows I lose a piece of myself. I am able to escape by running outside in
nature with fields of nothingness. I
feel truly alive, I carry only a book, journal and a pen. I could survive being only able to share my
thoughts with nothing else in this world.
I’d get my music from the birds, my food from the fields, from the
trees. I’d work hard for a shelter and
clothing. I would be FREE. No mess, no money, no rules it would be just
me until I was arrested and put back into captivity by society.
March 10, 2015: “Migraines”
Dreaming in my head about a long bike ride while at
work. I get home my body was still adjusting
to the time change resulting from daylight savings time. Boom all of a sudden a splitting migraine
developed. I was gone for the next 16
hours until I had to be up for work.
Unable to function in any way, stumbling to and from the bathroom, to
and from the kitchen. I planted an
icepack on my face, on my neck popped some pills trying to make the suffering
go away. It would pulse, rendering me
non functioning.
I’ve suffered since I was a kid, going to the nurses office and
going home everyday for a week before I got a proper diagnosis. I hated them because it meant I missed school
and I enjoyed learning. I got some
medication and they went away but little did I know how prevalent of a problem
it would be for the rest of my life. It has
put me down for days, cause horrible sickness and pain. At times during the most intense ones I think
I may die or even that killing myself would be better. The pain is so intense I am unable to move,
open my eyes. The only answer is time,
sleeping it off. It takes time, and
interrupt life. I’ve skipped concerts,
called off of work, cancelled plans because I was unable to function.
Yesterday was intense and I attempted to capture it. The skylight was allowing a touch of light
through, my camera was on my nightstand with a 24mm 2.8 lens on. I never opened my eyes flipped the cap off,
switched the buttons on and snapped a selfie. It came out as expected blurry,
dark and unrecognizable. It captured a
small amount of what I was feeling. The
ice pack relieved a little pain but I was extremely incoherent.
March 11, 2015: “Behind You”
This picture embodies what I need to stop doing, looking
behind into the past. Today I started my
cycling journey for 2015 with a goal of 3500 miles. There is no looking back 23 miles in. Moreso this embodies where I want to go and
how I will get there in life and cycling.
Moving forward slow and steady by just making the effort.
Todays ride sucked, was great, exhilarating, horrible,
refreshing, draining, full of ecstasy, full of suffering. It was a complete
full range of emotions and feelings. The
way life is, I pushed through each and every emotion, each and every
thought. I started and finished, slow
and steady. My mind said giveup, cut it
short, you don’t need to do it this early, you are cold, why are you doing
it? I didn’t giveup, I didn’t run from
it, I embrace and overcame it. I can’t
say the same for life.
I am letting my past failures control my future successes by
not even trying. I’m my strongest on my
bike and need to transfer that to my life.
If you are like me you need to let the past be the past and stop looking
behind yourself.
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