Writers Block

Today while at the box talking with Zach and Julia about Eminem and music it triggered my thoughts.  Eminem to me has always been able to express his hatred and anger for his mom.  That pain he raps about is my pain as well how my mom wrecked me.  I got thinking of a paper I wrote in high school about the night she ran out my life when I was just a little kid. 

I started searching perusing files and in the midst of this I discovered many years and hundreds of pages of my past writings.  Some poems, some unfinished books, some made no sense and some were journals.  I wrote my through my emotions love, hate, pain, anger, happiness and so many more.  In 2009 I seemed to stop lose emotion, lose my way have nothing to put pen to paper for but journaling.   I always wrote for myself.   My favorite part of writing is sending snail mail, cards and little pieces of life to friends around the country.  So with this blog I’m trying to rekindle a bit of my soul which has been hiding out.  Writing expressing a little bit of my life to you so you can know me better.  In my writing I expect to launch occasional debate, have friendly conversations and release stress.   As long as you will have me I’ll keep sharing.  Here is a piece of writing I did a few years ago when I was depressed.  I read it only to realize how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown and the place I occasionally go back to. 

Lifeless living 9/6/2002

Turmoil, trouble, terror

All negative things in life is all I see

Nothing can cure me bring me life

I walk around lost

No permanent home, no permanent family

No one who cares if I were here or not

Optimist is what I try to be

When nothing goes your way it seems so rough and so hard

How when I have this view can I be so down and depressed

I’m living lifeless

No heart or soul behind me in what I do

Alone transparent in being

Lifeless, lifeless, lifeless