Thursday, January 8, 2015

January 8, 2015: “Fear of Exposing Myself”


I hide my life, hide myself, censor what you know about me.  Today you can look at me raw at point where I am not happy.  Not happy physically, professionally, romantically and monetarily.  I am content with life, with what I have created.  There is always room for growth and putting myself first.  Creating the change I wish to see in myself, to see in the world is possible.  I just need to face reality by starting t follow through and become the man I wish to be.


Now I look at myself exposed both physically and mentally.  I am nowhere near as healthy as I should be, I make reasons to have a soda, potato chips and little Debbie snacks amongst other things.  Since August of 2013 my weight has ballooned from 175 to 205lbs.  This happened initially from 2004 to 2006 I went from 175 to 220lbs.  I dedicated myself and was able to change my lifestyle fully and along with cycling and fitness drop to 165 during my best riding days.  

Today it feels so much harder, I’m a young 32 at the gym 3 times or more a week cycling 2500 miles a year, practicing yoga and being generally active.  In continuing that I have been gaining weight, feeling sluggish and have been stuck in a rut professionally.  Where do I go? How do I get there?  As ridiculous as it sounds at 32 I don’t feel young anymore.  I have hit a wall…at some point I will break on through, I have to break on through. This is me exposed to the world.  I know alot of you will not understand but I did this to truly look at myself.



I hope at some point to recreate this image not to show I have lost weight, but to show I have become physically and mentally happy.  I hope this gives you a bit of insight into who I am.

No comments:

Post a Comment